Peter, Jean and Mike: Companions?

display at our theater

If you know me at all you know my superhero is Spiderman—this stumbling, bumbling young guy who isn’t from another planet like Superman, is not rich like Batman, he just got bit by a spider.  On opening day of the newest movie, Spiderman: A Brand New Day, we were at the movies but in a small digital theater.  We went for a second time last Saturday to see it in Dolby. Much better.

If you recall (maybe not if you aren’t a fan), Spiderman/Peter Parker had blotted the memories of himself from the minds of his girl-friend MJ his best friend Ned.  His aunt had been killed by the bad guy so to protect MJ and Ned—they no longer know him.  As a result, the current movie begins with a lonely, friendless Spiderman. 

A new character, a telepath named Jean Grey, is introduced but in the beginning not as a good girl.  We find out, she is simply trying to find her sister who was also telepathic. Jean and Peter share that unique sense that few others understand and as the movie ends, they connect pledging to not go it alone, at least one other person understands.  

the old square peg in a round hole

I felt a strange connection with the two of them.  Not that I can swing around NYC on spider webs or jump from person to person ‘possessing’ them for a time as Jean does.  Feeling different was the point of connection. I know many people at times in their lives feel odd, weird or that they don’t fit in.  I’ve felt that over my lifetime in several ways—not being ‘like’ others.  So as a result I too have felt a loneliness.  Before you feel sorry for me, it is not that I have had no friends or close relationships.  I have been a lucky guy relationally—yet that is with a few.  

My Meyers-Briggs profile actually describes this ‘loneliness’ so I have included a long personality summary below.  It is creepy to read because it does define me so well.  I am an INFJ which is the rarest of the sixteen profiles—1% of the population. That alone speaks to the loneliness. So we INFJs are certifiably weird.  But when we meet one another INFJ it is uncanny—it is like we have known each other before from some other time.  Although not identical, we get each other in ways other people just do not.  

Similar to a telepath, INFJs are extremely intuitive picking up on aspects of others that even they themselves are not conscious of.  This is weird even to me.  I suspect that the prophets in scriptures might have been INFJs.  I ask at times what I am to do with the info I intuit—which if you recall more than one prophet also asked.  Intuition, ESP and Telepathy have similarities.  

When you read the description below you maybe understand how it feels at times that I am following a life script. Unlike many out there, I found a rewarding career that fits me like a glove. I don’t want to be anything but an INFJ—but the loneliness is a part of it.  

Getting spiritual for a moment, I believe we were never meant for this world we are in so this lack of ‘fit’ can be lonely in this way too.  We are all originally from another realm.  The world now, even with social media “connections” feels lonely to a great many out there.  My profile indicates that ministry is one of the careers INFJs often pursue.  Being a mystic spiritually easily fits within the profile. 

You could read this post as bragging about how special I am.  I feel the opposite. I know how deeply common I am to all humanity—I honestly do.  Yet, like each of us, we have a uniqueness as well.  I may have doppelgängers out there physically, but there is not another person exactly like me.  So, we are common as well as unique. Complicated yes.  

At this point I am almost feeling too emotionally naked—am questioning even posting this. At least Peter Parker and Jean Grey may get me.  If you read the following description from Please Understand Me, you’ll have a view of me from the inside.  

Here goes.

INFJ: Myers Briggs Personality Type

INFJs focus on possibilities, think in terms of values and come easily to decisions (the J).  The small number of this type (1% of the population) is regrettable, since INFJs have an unusually strong drive to contribute to the welfare of others and genuinely enjoy helping their fellow men.  This type has great depth of personality; they are themselves complicated, and can understand and deal with complex issues and people. 

It is an INFJ who is likely to have visions of human events past, present, or future.  If a person demonstrates an ability to understand psychic phenomenon better than most others, this person is apt to be an INFJ.  Characteristically, INFJs have strong empathic abilities and can be aware of another's emotions or intents even before that person is conscious of these.  This can take the form of feeling distress or illnesses of others to an extent which is difficult for other types.  INFJs can intuit good and evil in others, although them seldom can tell how they came to know.  Subsequent events tend to bear them out, however.

INFJs are usually good students, achievers who exhibit an un-ostentatious creativity.  They take their work seriously and enjoy academic activity.  They can exhibit qualities of over-perfectionism and put more into a task than perhaps is justified by the nature of the task.  They generally will not be visible leaders, but will quietly exert influence behind the scenes.

INFJs are hard to get to know.  They have an unusually rich inner life, but they are reserved and tend not to share their reactions except with those they trust.  Because of their vulnerability through a strong facility to interject, INFJs can be hurt rather easily by others, which, perhaps, is at least one reason they tend to be private people.  People who have known an INFJ for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise.  Not that INFJs are inconsistent; they are very consistent and value integrity.  But they have convoluted, complex personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

INFJs like to please others and tend to contribute their own best efforts in all situations.  They prefer and enjoy agreeing with others, and find conflict disagreeable and destructive.  What is known as ESP is likely found in an INFJ more than in any other types, although other types are capable of such phenomena.  INFJs have vivid imaginations exercised both as memory and intuition, and this can amount to genius, resulting at times in an INFJ's being seen as mystical.  This unfettered imagination often will enable this person to compose complex and often aesthetic works of art such as music, mathematical systems, poems, plays or novels.  In a sense, the INFJ is the most poetic of all the types.  Just as an ENFJ cannot not lead, so must an INFJ intuit; this capability extends to people, things, and often events, taking the form of visions, episodes of foreknowledge, premonitions, auditory and visual images of things to come.  INFJs can have uncanny communications with certain individuals at a distance.

INFJs often select liberal arts as a college major and opt for occupations which involve interacting with people, but on a one-to-one basis.  For example, the general practitioner in medicine might be an INFJ, or the psychiatrist or psychologist.  As with all NFs, the ministry holds attraction, although the INFJ must develop an extraverted role here which requires a great deal of energy.  INFJs may be attracted to writing as a profession, and often they use language which contains an unusual degree of imagery.  They are masters of the metaphor, and both their verbal and written communications tend to be elegant and complex.  Their great talent for language usually is directed toward people, describing people and writing to communicate with people in a personalized way.  INFJs who write comment often that they write with a particular person in mind; writing to a faceless, abstract audience leaves them uninspired.  

INFJs make outstanding individual therapists who have the ability to get in touch with the archetypes of their clients in a way some other types do not.  The INFJs are also the most vulnerable of all the types to the eruption of their own archetypal material.  As therapists, INFJs may choose counseling, clinical psychology, or psychiatry, or may choose to teach in these fields.  Writing about these professions often intrigues an INFJ.  Whatever their choice, they generally are successful in these fields because their personal warmth, their enthusiasm, their insight, their depth of concentration, their originality, and their organizational skills can all be brought into play.

At work as well as socially, INFJs are highly sensitive in their handling of others and tend to work well in an organizational structure.  They have the capacity for working at jobs which require solitude and concentration, but also do well when in contact with people, providing the human interaction is not superficial.  INFJs enjoy problem-solving and can understand and use human systems creatively and humanistically.  As employees or employers, INFJs are concerned with people's feelings and are able to provide in themselves a barometer in the feelings of individuals and groups within the organization.  INFJs listen well and are willing and able to consult and cooperate with others.  Once a decision is made, they work to implement it.

INFJs are generally good at public relations and themselves have good interpersonal relations.  They value staff harmony and want an organization to run smoothly and pleasantly, themselves making every effort to contribute to that end.  They are crushed by too much criticism and can have their feelings hurt rather easily.  They respond to praise and use approval as a means of motivating others, just as they, the INFJs, are motivated by approval.  If they are subject to a hostile, unfriendly working condition or to constant criticism, they tend to lose confidence, become unhappy and immobilized, and finally become physically ill.

As mates, INFJs are usually devoted to their spouses, but may not always be open to physical approaches.  They tend to be physically demonstrative at times, but wish to choose when, which is when they are in the mood.  This may be quite confusing to an extraverted mate.  Often an INFJ's expressions of affection will be subtle, taking a humorous, unexpected turn.  INFJs need and want harmony in their homes and find constant conflict, overt or covert, extremely destructive to their psyches.  Their friendship circle is likely to be small, deep, and long-standing.  As parents, INFJs usually are fiercely devoted.  A female INFJ, particularly, is linked to her children in a way different from the other types: with almost a psychic symbiosis.  They deep bond can created an over-dependency that can be unhealthy for both mother and child.  At the same time, INFJs tend to be good friends with their children, while firm in discipline.  They usually are concerned about the comfort, physical health, and emotional well-being of both mates and children.  

from Please Understand Me: Character & Temperament Types, David Krueger, Marilyn Bates